The I Hate Butterflies Community

[Crabcakes]

I'm not actually afraid of butterflies, I personally think they're kind of pretty. I have an intense phobia of all pointy things, (I scream if someone is holding a pencil and moves it too fast, or touches their wrists with one. This didn't stem from any sort of self abuse, a boy slit his wrist open accidentally on the bus with glass stink bombs last year and I ended up taking charge as far as first aid) so I can relate to the severity of borderline-irrational type phobias.
I a novelist, and my newest book (still barely out of outlining stages), has a main character with an intense phobia of moths. I want to get it right, and I feel like I could get a great deal of first-hand insight on moth/butterfly phobias here. One of the main things I'm concerned about is the start of the character's fear. Are most people just afraid of them naturally, or are they chased by them, or is it something that can begin in relation to some sort of other psychological-traumatic event? My idea is that the character was trapped in a gang-fight situation in highschool, between her boyfriend at the time and a rival gang member, and someone accidentally shot her in the leg. They fled the scene, leaving her lying alone on th ground in a park. She called 911, and while the ambulance was on the way, a moth landed on her cheek, and because of a mix of fatigue and left-over fear from the situation, she didn't immediately swat it away. She saw it's weird little moth-face staring at her, looking her right in the eye from her cheek, and then and there an intense phobia formed, linked heavily with the gunshot incident. Throughout the book she deals with the phobia and learns to accept moths as a part of her character development, as she overcomes her fearfullness in general and self confidence problems and such, and learns to become a stronger person and stuff, the moths serve as a very common allegory for multiple things, the most direct one involved in her actual phobia being that she slowly overcomes her fear of moths, and in doing that she makes peace with the traumatic shooting incident, and herself in general.
I'm not sure if this makes sense with the real phobia, because it seems from what I've read here so far that most seem to start with a purely moth/butterfly related experience, and focus around that they're gross looking. From what I've understood about my character so far, she doesn't see them as hideous in appearance as much as creepy in an ominous, almost somehow beautiful way, like tiny ghosts, and if they land on her she freezes. She doesn't really know directly what is so evil about them, but she has a lot of tiny superstitions that she doesn't in her right mind recognize as fully plausible about them, that seem to be metaphors for other emotions. The most common moth-theory she has is that the gypsy moths fly down and take people's souls to feed to their caterpillars, and this is a big allegory for gang violence and general cruelty and hatred, the moths being people from her inner-city school she had attended, and they would hurt people and feed off their pain to support the growing hatred, which in turn just destroys beauty, and as the hatred grows it needs to steal more souls. A metaphor to the gypsy moth caterpillars, as they build those tent-nests in the trees to feed the trees so they can reproduce more, and as they make more caterpillars they kill more trees.
I'm not sure, really, if these phobias ever are metaphorically based and linked to events, of it they are exclusively completely moth centering things, like being chased by butterflies or seeing a giant moth. Psychanalysis of the sources of the phobia would be greatly appreciated.

[kp]

Your novel sounds really interesting. But to be honest I dont know that such an irrational fear really stems from any one event. Im terrified of butterflies. I know they can hurt me and i certainly dont think that they have ever tried to. I dont know where the fear comes from. the earliest memory i have of butterflies has to do with me riding on the back of a lawnmower with my grandpa under apple tree and butterflies basically swarmed. I remember being scared. But other than that I have no idea why i am so scared of them. I hope that helps.
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KP

[bosslady2898]

I have ALWAYS been afraid of butterflies. Always since I can remember. They are gross, powdery, fluttery, icky things and I don't care what color they are or how pretty people think they are. To me, the brighter the color, the more they make my skin crawl. The most dreaded thing I can think of is to have a Monarch butterfly come near me. [shudder]
I see a swarm of small white butterflies around me at some time in my past but I'm not sure if it happened or if I was afraid it would happen. I can't see someone who is afraid of moths or butterflies even allowing a moth near them. Shot or not, my fear and anxiety would enable me to get that thing off me if it were the last thing I ever did, and I would NEVER look at its face!

If I were writing about me, I would write some flashback scenes about dealing with the fear and ridicule like the time I was playing with my friends in this old barn. I lived way out in the country and our neighbors had a small working farm. They were Mennonites and had a very large family with lots of kids my age and I loved going over there to play! We had a whole maze built up in the hay bales so you could crawl up to the crossbeams near the ceiling. We spent many summer days hanging out, being kids. One day, there were some butterflies near the entrance to the barn and I screamed and couldn't go near them! The older boys laughed at me and started picking on me. I was so upset I went home and never played in the barn again! For one thing, I was ashamed of being afraid of something so non-threatening, but the real thing was I was petrified the butterflies would be in the barn!

Living with the fear is hard, but managing people's ridicule is WAY harder. Trying to explain to people why when you know there is no reason for your fear.

I hope this helps! Sounds like you have a great book going! Good luck!